I watched “America’s Trashiest Weddings” on Fox Reality tonight (switching to UFC Unleashed during commercials, of course), and I got many ideas for our wedding. For instance, what wedding would be complete without beer-drinking llamas? I certainly would feel like the evening was not complete without a chugging contest between a llama and Dad. Also, I think a cage fight between me and my sister would be very appropriate at the reception- perhaps that could take the place of the dollar dance? After all, nothing goes better with a bridesmaid’s dress better than a bloody nose. Or maybe it would be better to have the fight at the end of the bachlorette or bachelor parties. In either case, I need my hair done in the morning by a drunk little person hairdresser that rides a scooter.
Also, I think we should change our reception venue to a strip club, and Jeremy and I can dance around the poles for our first dance. Then we’ll cut and fight with the cake, get covered in paint, and hop in the shower immediately afterward. We can have ice-shot things that are anatomically correct and a wet t-shirt contest.
As for the ceremony, I think Team Groom should escort Team Bride out by slinging them over their shoulder, and Team Wedding should wear matching outfits. Of camouflage, pimp hats or Halloween costumes. And we could get married in a tree stand. Somehow, I think getting married in the back of the truck would suit us better. But if it’s not running, we could always put it on a flatbed to drive off.
Most importantly, Mom should come on the bachelorette party and participate in body shots. I think tequila would be best.